Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Meet the Parents

"We never know the love of a parent until we become parents ourselves."
-Henry Ward Beecher

Oh, how true that is!

My mom, me, and my aunt at my baby shower for Hunter

Growing up, I sometimes strongly disliked my mother. I hated that she wouldn't let me go stay at friends' houses without talking to their parents first (how embarrassing!). I hated that she wouldn't let me stay out past 10 pm. I said she treated me like a child and we fought a LOT.

But guess what? I didn't end up pregnant at 16, in jail, or in any other serious trouble. Now that I'm a parent, I completely understand where she was coming from. I'll probably end up being that strict mom that my kids hate too, haha! But they'll be safe and that's all that matters.

My mom raised my brother and I on her own. She is the strongest woman I know. I have no idea how she managed to provide and do everything that she did for us by herself. I'm sure times were hard, but she never let us know that and we never went without anything that we needed or wanted.

Christina Aguilera "I'm OK"

Once upon a time there was a girl / In her early years she had to learn / How to grow up living in a war that she called home / Never know just where to turn for shelter from the storm / Hurt me to see the pain across my mother's face / Everytime my father's fist would put her in her place / Hearing all the yelling I would cry up in my room / Hoping it would be over soon / Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same / And I still remember how you kept me so afraid / Strength is my mother for all the love she gave / Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday / And I'm OK / I often wonder why I carry all this guilt / When it's you that helped me put up all these walls I've built / Shadows stir at night through a crack in the door / The echo of a broken child screaming "please no more" / Daddy, don't you understand the damage you have done / To you it's just a memory, but for me it still lives on / Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same / And I still remember how you kept me so, so afraid / Strength is my mother for all the love she gave / Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday / It's not so easy to forget / All the lines you left along her neck / When I was thrown against cold stairs / And every day I'm afraid to come home / In fear of what I might see there / Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same / And I still remember how you kept me so afraid / Strength is my mother for all the love she gave / Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday / And I'm OK / I'm OK...

This is my biological father.

Ha, seriously y'all. This is his picture in Crime Times.

That's the only picture I have of him and I have absolutely NOTHING to do with him. I HATE him. Hate is a very strong word, but I seriously do. The things he did to my mother and the other women he dated, I will never forgive. His time is coming, that's for sure. He knows he has three grand-kids (I am still in contact with my sister who lives with him) yet has made NO effort to even meet them. Not that I'd let him, but still, you'd think the man would try. Ha! I generously refer to him as the sperm donor.

Good Charlotte "Emotionless"

Hey Dad, I'm writing to you / not to tell you that I still hate you. / Just to ask you how you feel / and how we fell apart, / how this fell apart. / Are you happy out there in this great wide world? / Do you think about your sons? / Do you miss your little girl? / When you lay your head down, / How do you sleep at night? / Do you even wonder if we're alright? / but we're alright, / We're alright... / Its been a long hard road without you by my side. / Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried? / You broke my mother's heart, / You broke your children for life. / Its not okay, / but we're alright. / I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes, / but Those are just a long lost memory of mine. / I spent so many years learning how to survive, / now I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive. / The days I spent so cold, so hungry, / Were full of hate, / I was so angry / The scars run deep inside this tattooed body, / Theres things I'll take to my grave, But I'm Okay, I'm Okay.

This is who I consider my father. If you ever hear me say something about my dad, this is him (with my brother).

My mom started dating Lee when I was about 12 years old (I'm guessing there, I can't remember my exact age). Ever since I met him, he has treated me as his own. I remember the first time we were out somewhere and he introduced me to someone as his daughter. I can't even explain the happiness I felt. He is everything that a father SHOULD be. He and my mom didn't work out and have been apart for a few years now, but he is still my dad. He still sees my brother and I both. He is the only grandfather that my kids will ever know on their mommy's side. He's the best granddaddy they could ask for!

Brad Paisley "He Didn't Have To Be"

And then all of a sudden / Ah it seemed so strange to me / How we went from something's missing / To a family / Lookin' back all I can say / About all the things he did for me / Is I hope I'm at least half the dad / That he didn't have to be

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  1. you and I are blessed. Sounds like we both had fathers that were not part of our lives but we are blessed to have stepfathers who love us like a dad would!

  2. Wow. I cannot imagine that. So glad you had someone step up to be your father. What a blessing!

  3. You sound very blessed!!! Your stepfather sounds amazing.

  4. Wow - I'm so glad that you had him to step up and be there for you!

  5. I love the songs you shared. Your stepdad sounds fantastic.

  6. What a wonderful man! I am glad he ended up being your dad.

  7. Glad you have a dad....but please don't "hate" anyone....it's bad for your soul. My son did small crimes and now he is gone...he was a good man, but got into trouble....but I still love him...now he's in heaven and I miss him.

  8. I agree, I had no idea what it was like to be a parent until I become one. I'm glad to hear you have a wonderful father figure in your life, he sounds like a wonderful dad and it's great that he is still in your life.

    Tesa @ 2 Wired Tired